A Gay Wife

Wednesday, June 17 | posted in | 5 comments

Yesterday I got an instant message from someone saying "whats up wife" and I was kind of taken back by it. It made me wonder "is that my role in gay society when it comes to being in a relationship? How did I get to that cast in that role...."the wife."

You have your variety of relationships within the gay community but one very common type of relationship between two men is one where one is the more masculine of the two and the other is a bit more on the femme side. Generally the masculine one is considered the husband and the femme one is considered the wife [or sometimes known as wifey]. Sometimes sexual roles also classify the husband and wife in the relationship with the husband being the top and the wife being the bottom, pretty much like a heterosexual relationship.

Compared to the people I have dated in the past, I have always dated men who were more masculine than I.....oOo and tall [6 footer oh yes!!!] and so if we were in a relationship I would have been considered the "wife". But what are the duties of said wife??? Of course like in heterosexual relationship stereotypes the gay wife would be the homemaker of the two. He would be the one to cook, clean, service and handle all the little things for themselves and their husband while the husband does all the manly masculine things.

As bottoms in the gay community are we really okay with that? Should we drop what goals and plans we have for ourselves and put our "husbands" and his needs up there priority wise? Or are we just accepting it because we are just living out a gay stereotype? What if we want to be the bread winner and have our top man cook for us, run our bath water and clean the house??

5 Responses So far
on June 17, 2009 at 10:29 AM  

I don't think you should take the role of a wife...you are a man and even if you were to marry another man you'd be husband and husband no matter how many times he penetrates you...

on June 17, 2009 at 11:46 PM  

THANK YOU NOBLE..didn't know you had such an eclectic blog..love it, one love bro!!!

on June 17, 2009 at 11:53 PM  

My opinion is that for what women had to struggle with for centuries to gain equality and freedom within a relationship, I suggest we as men do not repeat or allow someone to think we "should" be in said roles. You got one life, share it with others but DO NOT PUT YOURS ASIDE FOR ANYBODY!!!!

Turn me up a lil
on June 18, 2009 at 11:25 AM  

Um you're a man first and foremost...so even though you're a bottom you still have a dik at the end of the day. Don't fall into the trap of hetero conformity

Lamar Perez
on July 7, 2009 at 10:46 PM  

It really gets under my skin whenever our community doesn't recognize how we perpetuate the stigmas that people outside of our community have pegged for us.

We are gay because we like other MEN. I guess the wifey thing is some sort psychological buffer.

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